Editing Sexual consent (section)

===Affirmative: "yes means yes"===
[[File:Only Yes Means Yes Campaign.png|thumb|left|200px|A logo for the "yes means yes" campaign.]]
Affirmative consent ("yes means yes") is when both parties agree to sexual conduct, either through clear, verbal communication or nonverbal cues or gestures.<ref name=Grinberg>{{cite journal|last=Grinberg|first=E.|url=http://www.cnn.com/2014/09/03/living/affirmative-consent-school-policy/|title=Enthusiastic yes in sex consent education|date=29 September 2014}} Retrieved March 10, 2015.</ref> With "yes means yes", a person can still say "no" after an initial yes. "Yes means yes" was developed by a group of women at the US liberal arts school [[Antioch College]] in 1991, who "...successfully petitioned for a conduct-code amendment that explicitly defined sexual consent as requiring an enthusiastic “yes” from everyone involved. <ref>{{cite web |url=https://www.washingtonpost.com/news/soloish/wp/2018/02/15/no-means-no-to-yes-means-yes-how-our-language-around-sexual-consent-has-changed/?noredirect=on |title='No means no' to 'yes means yes': How our language around sexual consent has changed |last=Mettler |first=Katie |date=15 February 2018 |website= www.washingtonpost.com|publisher=Washington Post |access-date=9 June 2018 |quote=}}</ref> Prior to this, sex was considered consensual as long as neither party said “no.”" (the "no means no" approach). As of 2014, at Antioch College, students must "...get explicit verbal permission before making any sexual advance", asking "'Can I do this?' And the [other] person has to respond verbally, 'Yes.' And if they don't, it's considered nonconsent, and that's a violation of...[college] policy"; a pre-arranged hand signal can also be used if the students made a "prior verbal agreement".<ref name="Tovia Smith"/>

The "yes means yes" approach involves communication and the active participation of people involved. This is the approach endorsed by colleges and universities in the U.S.,<ref>"...affirmative consent standards have been adopted at colleges across the nation, including every Ivy League university except Harvard. "Affirmative consent: A primer"  Christine Emba ''Washington Post'' Oct 12 2015 https://www.washingtonpost.com/news/in-theory/wp/2015/10/12/affirmative-consent-a-primer/</ref> who describe consent as an "affirmative, unambiguous, and conscious decision by each participant to engage in mutually agreed-upon sexual activity."  Claremont McKenna College Dean of Students Mary Spellman says "yes means yes" can be expressed nonverbally by determining "[i]s the [other] person actively participating?...Are they touching me when I am touching them? Are they encouraging me when I'm doing various different things? Those would all be signs that the person is an active participant in whatever is going on."<ref name="Tovia Smith"/>

According to Yoon-Hendricks, a staff writer for Sex, Etc., "Instead of saying 'no means no,' 'yes means yes' looks at sex as a positive thing." Ongoing consent is sought at all levels of sexual intimacy regardless of the parties' relationship, prior sexual history or current activity ("Grinding on the dance floor is not consent for [[further]] sexual activity," a university policy reads).<ref name=Grinberg/> By definition, affirmative consent cannot be given if a person is intoxicated, unconscious or asleep.

There are three pillars often included in the description of sexual consent, or "the way we let others know what we're up for, be it a good-night kiss or the moments leading up to sex."

They are:

# Knowing exactly what and how much I'm agreeing to
# Expressing my intent to participate
# Deciding freely and voluntarily to participate<ref name=Grinberg/>

To obtain affirmative consent, rather than waiting to say or for a partner to say "no", one gives and seeks an explicit "yes". This can come in the form of a smile, a nod or a verbal yes, as long as it's unambiguous, enthusiastic and ongoing. Denice Labertew of the California Coalition Against Sexual Assault says that while the words used in "yes means yes" may vary, the [[Portal:Main|main]] idea is that both people are agreeing to do sex acts.<ref name=Grinberg/> She says that "yes means yes" requires a major change in how we think of sexual assault, as it requires men and women to agree to and actively participate in sex.<ref name=Grinberg/> T.K. Pritchard says that even after consent is given, participants in an encounter should be "constantly checking in", and that there should be checking in before sexual contact, during sex, and after sex, to ensure consent was given.<ref>{{cite web |url=https://thecord.ca/event-works-to-inform-students-on-consent-in-various-contexts/ |title=Event works to inform students on consent in various contexts |last=Bouchard |first=Nathalie |date=14 February 2018 |website=thecord.ca |publisher=The Cord |access-date=14 July 2018 |quote=}} </ref> Lauren Larson states that a person should check in with their sex partner before [[kissing]] or sex, and also, even during sex, when they change the speed of an action, switch to a different position, or move their hands to a new body area.<ref>{{cite web |url=https://www.gq.com/story/mens-consent-questions-answered |title=Your Gnarliest Questions About Consent, Answered |last=Larson|first=Lauren |date=30 May 2018 |website= www.gq.com|publisher=GQ |access-date=14 July 2018 |quote=Don’t just check in before you kiss, go down on, or have sex with your partner. Check in when you change speeds, switch positions, and move your hands.}} </ref>

Even in a "yes means yes" paradigm, if a partner asks in a way where there is not room for a "no", or if they get a no and then use guilt to manipulate the person, that can be considered sexual coercion rather than consent; other examples include if a partner seeking sex complains that their need for sex is not being met, shows passive-aggressive behaviour, or persistently asks again and again until they get a "yes".<ref>{{cite web |url=https://www.bustle.com/articles/154179-what-nobody-talks-about-when-they-talk-about-consent |title=What Nobody Talks About When They Talk About Consent |last=Burdo |first=Kae |date= 25 April 2016|website=www.bustle.com |publisher=Bustle |access-date=21 June 2018 |quote=}} </ref> Conn Caroll states that social conservatives may support the "yes means yes" laws, as the increased risk of being found guilty of sexual misconduct will lessen student interest in "hook up culture" and create an incentive for men to form long-term, committed relationships with women, rather than just seeking out one-night stands.<ref>{{cite web |url=https://townhall.com/tipsheet/conncarroll/2014/10/07/a-social-conservative-case-for-affirmative-consent-laws-n1901883 |title=A Conservative Case for Affirmative Consent Laws |last=Carroll |first=Conn |date=7 October 2014 |website=townhall.com |publisher=Townhall |access-date=7 July 2018 |quote=But, from a social conservative viewpoint, is this really all that bad? Why on earth are we so concerned about protecting those who participate in the hook up culture? Shouldn't we want to create an incentive structure for men that encourage them to invest in long-term emotional relationships with the women they want physical intimacy from?}} </ref>
[[File:Video 2 - Consent.webm|thumb|2015 [[Green River College]] video on consent, endorsing the "only yes means yes" approach on campus]]
In a ''Time'' article, [[Cathy Young]] states that the California "yes means yes" law is unlikely to make sexual predators less likely to attack or keep  victims safe; she says it creates unclear and capricious rules on sexual activity and moves the burden of proof to those who are accused, who are typically male.<ref name="Cathy Young">{{cite web |url=http://time.com/3222176/campus-rape-the-problem-with-yes-means-yes/ |title=Campus Rape: The Problem With 'Yes Means Yes' |last=Young |first=Cathy |date=29 August 2014 |website=time.com |publisher=Time |access-date=9 June 2018 |quote=}} </ref> Young states that when the ''San Gabriel Valley Tribune'' asked a lawmaker how an innocent accused person could prove that he obtained consent, she was told “Your guess is as good as mine.”<ref name="Cathy Young"/> A judge overruled a University of Tennessee-Chattanooga ruling that a male student did not obtain consent; the judge wrote that "...[a]bsent the tape recording of a verbal consent or other independent means to demonstrate that consent was given, the ability of an accused to prove the complaining party's consent strains credulity and is illusory".<ref>{{cite web |url=https://www.washingtonexaminer.com/one-year-in-yes-means-yes-policies-begin-to-fall-apart |title=One year in, 'yes-means-yes' policies begin to fall apart |last=Schow |first=Ashe |date=13 August 2015 |website=www.washingtonexaminer.com |publisher=Washington Examiner |access-date=22 June 2018 |quote=}} </ref> 

Robert Shibley notes that Jonathan Chait has expressed concern that colleges with "yes means yes" rules are removing due process; Shibley argues that fairness and consistency are needed in disciplinary systems; he states that even though college tribunals are not law courts, they still have elements of court trials, as they are based on an allegation, an investigation is done, a hearing is held, evidence is brought forward, sentences are handed down, and there is an appeal that can be made.<ref name="Shibley">{{cite web |url=https://www.thefire.org/ezra-klein-gets-wrong-yes-means-yes-law-california/|title=What Ezra Klein Gets Wrong about the 'Yes Means Yes' Law in California |last=Shibley |first=Robert |date=7 October 2014 |website=www.thefire.org |publisher=Foundation for Individual Rights in Education|access-date=22 June 2018 |quote=}} </ref> Shibley states that accused do not have core protections and he states that the college does the investigation, judges the case in the trial, and hears the appeal, which means there is not a separation of functions.<ref name="Shibley"/> [[Camille Paglia]] calls "yes means yes" laws "drearily puritanical" and totalitarian.<ref>Paglia, Camille. ''Free Women, Free Men: Sex, Gender, Feminism''. Knopf Doubleday Publishing Group, p. 273 </ref> In "Consent: It’s Not Sexy", Victoria Campbell criticizes affirmative consent on the grounds that it "...values proof and evidence over the [[lived experience]] of those involved" and it turns sex into a contractual activity in a manner akin to the way marriage traditionally provided contractual consent to sex.<ref name="Alvarez">{{cite web |url=https://thenewinquiry.com/consent-its-not-sexy/ |title=Consent: It's Not Sexy |last= Alvarez |first=Ana Cecilia |date=29 April 2015 |website=thenewinquiry.com |publisher=The New Inquiry |access-date=16 July 2018 |quote=}} </ref> Sarah Nicole Prickett criticizes affirmative consent because these rules are premised on the idea of feminine passivity; under this cultural paradigm, she says that if a woman shows sexual interest during an encounter, she is seen as "slutty or crazy" or as showing "too much" sexuality.<ref name="Alvarez"/>

In "When Saying ‘Yes’ Is Easier Than Saying ‘No’", Jessica Bennett says that one challenge is "[[gray rape|gray zone sex]]" where a woman says yes to an initiator in a sexual encounter when she "desperately" means "no", engaging in what she calls "begrudgingly consensual sex" because saying yes is easier than explaining a "no" or exiting the situation, and because Western culture teaches women to be "‘nice’ and ‘quiet’ and ‘polite" and to "protect others’ feelings" at the expense of the woman's own feelings and desires.<ref>{{cite web |url=https://www.nytimes.com/2017/12/16/sunday-review/when-saying-yes-is-easier-than-saying-no.html |title=When Saying 'Yes' Is Easier Than Saying 'No' |last=Bennett |first=Jessica |date=16 December 2017|website=www.nytimes.com |publisher=New York Times |access-date=7 July 2018 |quote=For years, my female friends and I have spoken, with knowing nods, about a sexual interaction we call “the place of no return.” It is a kind of sexual nuance that most women instinctively understand: the situation you thought you wanted, or maybe you actually never wanted, but somehow here you are and it’s happening and you desperately want out, but you know that at this point exiting the situation would be more difficult than simply lying there and waiting for it to be over. In other words: saying yes when we really mean no.}} </ref> Julianne Ross states that in a Western society where sexual narratives focus on male desire, what women want can be deemed less important; as such, in this context, women in heterosexual encounters may feel a pressure to say yes to certain sex acts for fear that they may be criticized as a "prude" if they do not agree, or because the women want to fit into social expectations in their group, or because they are seeking validation.<ref> {{cite web |url=https://mic.com/articles/114176/what-the-conversation-around-yes-means-yes-is-missing#.Isjgjd0me |title=What the Conversation Around "Yes Means Yes" Is Missing |last=Ross |first=Julianne |date=8 April 2015 |website=mic.com |publisher=Mic |access-date=7 July 2018 |quote=}}</ref>
====Enthusiastic consent====
A variant of "yes means yes" consent is enthusiastic consent. Project Respect states that "positive sexuality" needs to start with enthusiastic consent" in which a person is as "excited and into someone else’s enjoyment" a they are, an engaged partner.<ref>{{cite web |url=https://www.yesmeansyes.com/consent |title=Consent |author=<!--Not stated--> |date= 2015-03-04|website=www.yesmeansyes.com |publisher=Yes Means Yes |access-date=9 June 2018 |quote=}} </ref> Planned Parenthood says that enthusiastic consent can be seen when a partner is "...happy, excited, or energized".<ref>{{cite web |url=https://www.plannedparenthood.org/learn/teens/sex/all-about-consent|title=All About Consent |author=<!--Not stated-->|date=<!--Not stated--> |website=www.plannedparenthood.org |publisher=Planned Parenthood |access-date=14 July 2018 |quote=}} </ref> Australia's NSW Minister for the Prevention of Domestic Violence and Sexual Assault Pru Goward has called for an enthusiastic consent, with has been defined as an approach that helps to ensure that both participants want to be in the encounter.<ref name="Hack">{{cite web |url=http://www.abc.net.au/triplej/programs/hack/how-do-you-prove-enthusiastic-consent-in-court/9740214 |title='Enthusiastic consent': What is it, how do you prove it, and will it work in court? |author=<!--Not stated-->|date=8 May 2018 |website=www.abc.net.au |publisher=Triple J Hack |access-date=9 June 2018 |quote=}} </ref> A sexual assault survivor who supports the enthusiastic consent model states that "...if it's not an enthusiastic yes, then it's not enough."<ref name="Hack"/> Dr Nicola Henry stated that "legislating and determining "enthusiastic" [consent] in a court would be challenging.<ref name="Hack"/> Benedict Brook defines "enthusiastic consent" as “yes mean yes” with more vigour and with "constant checking in between partners that all is well." <ref> {{cite web |url=https://www.news.com.au/lifestyle/relationships/sex/affirmative-consent-the-two-words-blokes-need-to-get-their-heads-round/news-story/1dc89c475599f606770c0349ecfe880d |title=Affirmative consent: The two words blokes need to get their heads around |last=Brook |first=Benedict |date=24 January 2018 |website=www.news.com.au |publisher=news.com.au |access-date=22 June 2018 |quote=}}</ref>

Gaby Hinsliff, in a ''The Guardian'' article entitled "Consent is not enough: if you want a sexual partner, look for enthusiasm", states that "enthusiasm, the unmistakable sense of not being able to keep your hands off each other [in an encounter]...is harder to mistake for anything else. And if it was there, but suddenly evaporates – well, you could always ask what’s wrong. If those two words kill the mood dead, it almost certainly wasn’t the right mood to start with."<ref>{{cite web |url=https://www.theguardian.com/commentisfree/2015/jan/29/rape-consent-sexual-partner-enthusiasm |title= Consent is not enough: if you want a sexual partner, look for enthusiasm|last=Hinsliff |first=Gaby |date=29 January 2015 |website=www.theguardian.com |publisher=The Guardian |access-date=9 June 2018 |quote=}} </ref> It is "...meant to help clarify the places at which [sexual] initiators unintentionally and sometimes unknowingly cross from sexual experience to sexual assault.” <ref>{{cite web |url=http://thefederalist.com/2018/01/25/feminists-women-youre-consenting-sex-wrong/ |title=Feminists To Women: You're Consenting To Sex Wrong: 'Enthusiastic consent' is just another way of telling problematic women they're doing things wrong by lecturing them on how to have politically correct sex. |last=Tracinski |first=Robert |date=25 January 2018 |website=thefederalist.com |publisher=The Federalist |access-date= 19 June 2018|quote=}} </ref> In Robyn Urback's article "To McGill activists, a 'yes' doesn't mean consent", she states that the "Forum on Consent hosted at McGill suggests that a meek “yes,” or a nonchalant “yes,” or a “yes” without emphatic body language does not constitute consent. According to the panel “It must be loud and clear"".<ref>{{cite web |url=https://nationalpost.com/opinion/robyn-urback-to-mcgill-activists-a-yes-doesnt-mean-consent|title=Robyn Urback: To McGill activists, a 'yes' doesn't mean consent |last=Urback |first=Robyn |date= 27 February 2014|website=nationalpost.com |publisher=National Post |access-date=22 June 2018 |quote=}} </ref> Charles Sturt University's sexual consent program leader Isabel Fox, an enthusiastic consent advocate, says that "Our tag [slogan] is 'It is not a yes unless it's a hell yes'."<ref>{{cite web |url=https://www.abc.net.au/news/2018-06-26/consent-program-changing-culture-at-charles-sturt-university/9909800 |title=Consent program changing sexual assault, harassment culture at Charles Sturt University |last=Ferguson |first=Kathleen  |date=26 Jun 2018 |website=www.abc.net.au |publisher=abc.net |access-date=30 March 2019 |quote=}} </ref>

The "enthusiastic consent" model has been criticized by asexual people and [[sex worker]]s, as people in these categories may choose to have sex with people even though they are not "particularly wanting it or enjoying it themselves".<ref>Barker, Meg John. ''The Psychology of Sex''. Routledge, 2018.</ref> Lily Zheng states that while enthusiastic consent is good theory, it is a "nightmare in real-life intimacy" and she says that since it cannot "...move beyond guesswork, cues and assumptions [it] plays right into normative — straight, white, cisgender, middle-class — ideas about society", which means it does not work well for Asians, blacks, queer communities and other racial or sexual minorities.<ref name="Zheng">{{cite web |url=https://www.stanforddaily.com/2014/11/04/how-to-ace-sex-why-enthusiastic-consent-doesnt-cut-it/ |title=How to ace sex: Why enthusiastic consent doesn't cut it |last=Zheng |first=Lily |date=4 November 2014 |website=www.stanforddaily.com |publisher=Stanford Daily |access-date=23 June 2018 |quote=}} </ref> Zheng states that the enthusiastic consent model is "so vague" that "determining whether or not a real interaction was “enthusiastic” or not becomes next to impossible".<ref name="Zheng"/> Julianne Ross states that consenting adults may have sex that they both want to have without giving "enthusiastic consent", such as couples having sex to get pregnant or couples who want to please each other.<ref name="Julianne Ross">{{cite web |url=https://mic.com/articles/114176/what-the-conversation-around-yes-means-yes-is-missing#.Isjgjd0me |title=What the Conversation Around "Yes Means Yes" Is Missing |last=Ross |first=Julianne |date=8 April 2015 |website=mic.com |publisher=Mic |access-date=7 July 2018 |quote=}}</ref> One challenge with getting people to give enthusiastic consent in the bedroom is that women may be reticent to speak about their sexual desires because of a fear that they may be "slut-shamed".<ref name="Julianne Ross"/> Robert Tracinski asks "how can you tell if she is saying yes with sufficient enthusiasm?"<ref>{{cite web |url=http://thefederalist.com/2018/01/25/feminists-women-youre-consenting-sex-wrong/ |title=Feminists To Women: You're Consenting To Sex Wrong: 'Enthusiastic consent' is just another way of telling problematic women they're doing things wrong by lecturing them on how to have politically correct sex. |last=Tracinski |first=Robert |date=25 January 2018 |website=thefederalist.com |publisher=The Federalist |access-date= 19 June 2018|quote=}} </ref>