A Dogs Guide to Sex with Humans
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A Dogs Guide to Sex With Humans
Dogs like most creatures, are innately, naturally sexual beings. But their sexuality is naturally oriented towards other dogs. They may not see us as sexual beings, however. This is something they have to learn. So, I want to talk about sexuality. His. Humans and Dogs have been living together for about 20,000 years. We've been able to do it because our temperaments, our social and even sexual natures are very close. After 20,000 years of living together, we can mate happily.
But when going into K9 sex, remember, you can't approach him as a sex toy. He isn't a dildo or vibrator. You cant plug him in and turn him on and off. And you cant quite treat him as a human.
You have to start from the principle that this is a living being, a nonhuman being. A sexual being, and you have to reach that sexuality. You have to become a sexual being for him.
Remember, a dog is literally like an alien. He comes from different physical and instinctive parameters. Certain actions, certain behaviours and traits will be natural to him, others will be foreign. You can't expect him to act like a sex toy, and you can't relate and react to him like a human. Your behaviour to him, to have a successful sexual relationship, must recognize that he this is a different kind of being with a genuine if alien perspective.
Look at humans from a dogs point of view: Humans don't seem sexy. Our geography, our geometry is all wrong. We're tall and erect on long legs, our bodies flat... Their sexuality is oriented towards long bodies slung on legs, where the head and the vagina are in sensible places, not piled on top of each other like some demented totem pole. Our bodies just don't make sense to them, sexually.
And look at scent, dogs live by scent. But humans constantly conceal or mess our scents up, by showering, changing and wearing different clothes, colognes, soaps, perfumes, even the mundane things in life like cleaning solvents affect our odour. Instead of smelling natural, we're constantly hiding or masking our scent, especially our sexual scent.
On top of that, we refuse or try to minimize a great many normal social behaviours, like sniffing. Its hard to see yourself with someone if they can't even shake your hand.
So, its not a surprise that dogs aren't constantly humping us. Even women who want to do it will sometimes find that their dog isn't interested, or doesn't know what to do.
So, how do you become a sexual being for him. By raising his consciousness, by acting and positioning yourself in such a way that he realizes you are a sexual creature.... By relating to the dog on his own terms.
Assuming that you don't already have a dog, what sort of dog should you be looking for?
As a general comment, the most common dog seems to be Black Labs, followed by German Shepherds. Rottweillers, Mixed breeds, Collies and Danes are also used. When picking a breed, go with what you find beautiful. Pit Bulls and Saint Bernards have a bad reputation though.
My recommendation is a dog between two thirds and four fifths your body weight, although women have found bliss with both smaller and larger. I find at that size, they're hung just right and their energy isn't overwhelming.
You want someone between the ages of two and five. They should be sexually mature. Most dogs mature at the age of one and a half. If he's young, I recommend waiting... This is a gut instinct on my part, too young and he's not really receptive, and you may screw up his natural social development and personality. Too old, and he may be too set in his ways and in his sexuality to expand his horizons to include you.
Most importantly, always consider personality. Look for a dog who's friendly, outgoing, who genuinely seems to like you and be curious about you. Avoid dogs who seem withdrawn, or who seem too aggressive. Listen, its very simple. You wouldn't or shouldn't have sex with a human who's an asshole. Why lower your standards for dogs?
Always have a good relationship with your canine. If you're thinking of a dog you already have, then you're the best judge of that relationship.... Good luck.
One thing more, if your dog has been fixed, then he's probably not going to be really sexual. Maybe you can feed him hormones or something, if you know a vet or can come up with an excuse. But otherwise, you won't get much past licking.
What to do, how do you reach him? First, be naked around him, whenever you can. Get him used to the look and feel and scent of your real body. Reorient yourself for him. Move from being a tall totem pole to something whose geography makes more sense to him. Try to orient or show him that your body orients towards horizontal. Lay back or lean or sprawl on the couch or the bed, even in chairs, slouch back. Get down on the floor with him, on all fours. This is much more natural for him, and it makes it easier for him to understand and relate to your body.
Skip the shower after exercising, or after you've built up a sweat. Let him get to know your natural odour. Let him become familiar with it. Avoid perfumes or colognes, it will throw him off.
Often, he'll show curiosity. Encourage it. Let him sniff you or lick you. Offer him your hands. If he shows any interest in sniffing or licking your crotch, spread and encourage him.
Play with him. I mean normally, play tug of war. Go out and throw the frisbee. And play at home naked. The mounting posture, on knees and elbows, is very similar to the 'play' posture. Close the distance, until you're someone that he relates to and likes. The better he has a feel for you as a person, the more easily and happily it will happen.
Let him experience your sexuality. Masturbate around him, so that he can smell you. Offer him your wet fingers to lick and investigate. If he shows any interest in sniffing or licking between your legs encourage him. Have him in the room when you are doing it with a human partner, and use doggy style. If you're masturbating, try and use that posture. If you're using a dildo or vibrator, let him sniff it.
Let him, encourage him to smell you around your period. Its the closest your body comes to estrus or heat. My dog seems horniest just before my period. But in any case, this is when your sexual scents will be strongest and most like a female dogs.
Sniffing and licking isn't truly sexual behaviour for them. But its strongly social behaviour, and if you're someone he can sniff and lick, then you become someone he can relate to. And that includes relating sexually. After all, when he sniffs you, he's sniffing your body, and that includes your sexual scents.
All of this is mainly oriented towards expanding his consciousness, allowing him to see you as a sexual being and someone that he can see and respond to sexually. For most dogs, it will be a natural and almost unconscious process. For many, it will happen easily, and they'll be ready quickly in the first session. Others may take a couple of sessions to fully absorb and digest it.
If he doesn't absorb or digest it, you can still get him hard, and even get him to come. But he may be confused, and may simply not know how to react or respond, and won't mount.
Licking
Dogs are natural lickers. Its partly a social behaviour, they explore and understand the world with their nose and tongue. Its also partly a physical reflex, give them moisture or certain textures, they have to lick it. A dog can learn to lick your vagina for the simple pleasure of it. For him, its not really a sexual experience or sexual thing to do. The sexuality, for him, comes from the scents of your arousal as he does it.
If he shows interest in licking you, encourage him. Reinforce the behaviour. Pet him, rub his ears, tell him what a good dog he is, give him treats or fill his bowl with cold water. Positive reinforcement lets him know that he's doing a good thing, and he'll follow his natural tendencies.
If he isn't licking you, some people suggest trying honey, or peanut butter or fish oil on their vagina. I don't recommend it personally. But sometimes it will work and nothing else may. If you do try it that way, use small amounts to get him started, and once he gets into it, slowly taper it off. Remember, you want him hooked on your natural taste, not on your vagina as a place to find peanut butter. And again, once he starts, provide positive reinforcement.
Their tongues are longer and much more flexible than humans, but not as muscular. The surface is rougher, and its much faster, it laps and swirls quickly, and where a human tongue can push inside, a dogs will sort of slide in. Their licking has no inhibitions, and they'll lick from anus to clit. Enjoy.
Touching Him Now, I want to talk about initiating sex with him. About touching him and arousing him. Female dogs have it easy, they go into heat, releasing a great big billboard "fuck me" scent. But they also have body language, ways of moving, presenting, whining, all of which turn on male dogs. Well, we aren't bitches, and our body language and smell aren't going to be the same. But dogs have enough flexibility to react and respond to other signals, he can and will respond to your stimulation.
You start by stroking the inside of his back thigh. Use short light strokes. For dogs, this isn't sexual, its social behaviour. Its how they inspect each other. He should go still but will be relaxed. He'll enjoy it, its almost like a hug or a kiss. They sniff each other there all the time.
Speak softly, sound friendly. Its not what you say, but the tone of your voice, so talk dirty if it excites you. And feel free to stroke his head or back as well.
Once you're stroking the inside of his thigh, move from there to his balls and his sheath. Again, stroke using short light strokes, imitating a licking action. Experiment a little, squeezing and caressing. Squeeze very gently, although you can work the sheath harder than his balls.
Watch him carefully, his body language and sounds are his only way of letting you know how he feels. If he moves away, it means he wasn't comfortable and doesn't want to be rude. If he growls, obviously, he didn't like something.
This may be a new sort of touching with him and he may not like it. If he growls, then back off, continue stroking the inside of his thigh and speaking softly, and then try again after a minute. He may just need a moment to get used to it.
Don't force him to lie down to fondle him. Some will allow that, but its not a natural sexual function or posture. You're enforcing a submissive posture, which is not sexual to him. This may confuse him sexually and make it hard for him to mount you.
As I've said, it is a social posture, and once he's had you and had his head straight with it, it may be possible to put him like that.
Personally, when I touch my dog, I like him to be standing and I'll be on my knees or laying on the couch or the bed, just reaching over. Its a posture that he understands, both with himself and with me.
Eventually, if you stimulate him, his cock will come out. That's pretty much a reflex. Its supposed to look like that, by the way.
If you're curious there are a lot of pictures available on the net. Its generally bright red, with a lot of very visible veins, although some may have bluish or whitish tones. The tip has a sort of cone, where a mans has a head. And about two thirds/three quarters of the way down the shaft, there's a bulge which swells, called the knot. Like men, their appearance and proportions vary from one individual to the next.
Generally with a normal sized dog, the size I've recommended, it'll be about human sized. If you're wondering how big they get, it really does vary among individuals, just like men. As a general, very general, rule, the cock sizes are reflective of the sizes of the dog breeds, and of the individuals.
When it comes out of the sheath, it won't be erect. They have a bone that allows them to come out. Their cocks are very sensitive. Squeeze it gently and it will become erect. Dogs seem to prefer squeezing to stroking. Some like to be squeezed around the tip, some around the knot. Some like it to move up or down. Again, explore him. Watch carefully, see what he likes and do it.
Playing with his cock gets him used to your touch, and it gets him to associate your presence, and your touch with arousal. It also lets you see how he behaves with arousal. This is important, because you want to have a working grasp of his behaviour. You don't want to be shocked or frightened. You want a good experience, not a scary or tense one.
And for the same reason, it also gets you used to and comfortable with his cock. Its important to see it as sexy or hot, rather than strange. You should be comfortable with it, not freaked.
The texture should be smooth, like latex. If it feels grainy or gritty, you may want to clean him with a wet cloth. Again, short like strokes, like licking.
You can make him come in your hand. There's no secret, just explore, do what comes naturally. He'll hump in your hand, before he comes. I'd recommend you make him come with your hand before you fuck him. It'll show you what his come is like and how he comes.
Dogs have a lot of precome, it leaks like a runny nose. Don't worry, its normal. When they come, they come a lot, in heavy squirts or gushes. Its hot compared to human semen, and its salty, sometimes metallic. Its thin and runny compared to humans. The taste will vary depending on what they've been eating. Feel free to taste it.
When very aroused, dogs will go still. They'll walk stiff legged and deliberate. Movements will be sudden and jerky, but they won't bite. They'll sometimes whine or whimper, but seldom bark.
You'll find as they grow more and more aroused their attention focuses on you with almost frightening, or exciting concentration. It feels like terrorists could break down the door or the building might burst into flame and he wouldn't pay attention to anything but you. There really is nothing like that focused attention, and I find it very arousing. If you're not aware of it, you may find it disconcerting.
Try to be aroused yourself when you play with him like this. Try to masturbate with him. Its a good for him to associate his arousal to the smell of your own. Its a good association for the both of you to make.
Sucking Him Personally, I think blowing your dog is one of those things like bungee jumping. You do it for the experience of having done it. You don't necessarily do it because its that great a time. There doesn't really seem to be any good position to do it in. Sometimes you can have them lay down and do it like that, that's a submissive posture and goes against the grain unless he's well trained. Usually, they like to be standing, so unless you have him standing on a table, which itself is awkward, you have to be crouching or laying for it.
Their cocks are flexible at their base, so you can pull it out to the side, or even pull it back through their legs to face the opposite direction. Basically, experiment, see what he likes and see what's not too uncomfortable for you.
Dogs don't have the psychological power fetish thing that men do about getting their cocks sucked. And its not a natural behaviour for them, so if you're doing it, you're doing it for yourself. Generally, he won't seek it, although he will enjoy it.
I don't recommend sucking him to orgasm, or at least, don't do it too often. Especially early in the relationship, there's a danger of creating the wrong association or connection. Remember, he's learning to perceive and relate to you as a sexual being. Don't teach him that satisfaction comes from your mouth, or he may have trouble realizing that you have a cunt.
If you're sucking him, he may start to hump. That's usually a sign that he's ready to mount you. Humping is natural behaviour and dogs don't usually have the control to remain still for oral sex like men. So his inclination will be to hump or fuck your face. Once, my dog humped my face to orgasm, my throat was sore. Also, watch out for his come, there's a lot of it. So much that the first time he came in my mouth, I choked and snorted it out my nose.
When playing sexually with him, I do put his cock in my mouth though, for ten to thirty seconds at a time, not long enough to really be awkward or to be humped. And I like to lick his shaft and his knot, which is almost natural for him. I like that, oral sex with your dog should be play, not work.
Some Basic Facts about Fucking With Him Others have written some very good sex guides and manuals for having sex with dogs. I would recommend that you look them up and read them. They're written by knowledgable men and women as or more experienced than myself, and they're very helpful. My purpose here is to add to these other manuals, not repeat them. I will offer some things that I think are important to be aware of. Firstly, Dogs are powerful animals. They're built to go from zero to forty-five miles an hour, or sixty kilometers, from a standing start. They're built to run marathons. They're built to chase down and kill deer, caribou, buffalo and moose, animals up to ten times their size. They're built to out-corner and catch rabbits, agile animals a tenth their size. They're strong enough to drag twenty or thirty times their own weight.
Their strength, their speed is in their spine. If you've ever seen one run flat out, you can see their spine bending and arching like a metronome, like a steel spring delivering power and push.
When they fuck, all that power, that steel spring spine arching and bending and pushing, all that goes into fucking you. Its intense, frantic, furious and incredible. Its a real experience and for a first time, you can never be completely prepared for it. But hopefully, knowing this, you won't be totally surprised.
This, by the way, is why I don't recommend starting with dogs that outweigh you. Aside from the size of their cocks, its the intensity of their fucking. If you outweigh him, then you have inertia on your side. If he outweighs you....
Dogs don't have foreplay, not like we understand it, and they don't start slow. So, its important to be ready.
Don't fuck him, don't present for mounting, or let him climb or mount, until you're absolutely ready. You should be totally wet and ready. You should want it. Ache for it. You should be able to taste your orgasm off in the distance, minutes away. You should be unable to think about anything but his cock.
And if you aren't sure, then you aren't ready. Period. I want this to be a good experience for you, and to have it be good, you should be completely committed to it. Some people say the best way to learn to swim is by jumping into the deep end and either thrashing or drowning. I don't think that works here.
A word about the knot. Don't be scared by the pictures on the net. The knot swells up around the time of the dogs coming. Before that, its smaller. The pictures are almost always in its swollen state, because, for porn purposes, that's more photogenic.
The knot is designed, for dogs, to swell up and lock or tie the bitches vagina when he comes, so his sperm will congeal and impregnate her. It'll keep her tied for ten or twenty minutes. You have seen, or seen pictures, of dogs knotted together. A male dogs cock is flexible enough at its base to allow the dog to turn around so they're butt to butt.
We, however, are built differently than bitches. We can take fists, and pass baby's, not easily, but we can do it. So the thing to remember is that we can handle it. The knot cannot damage us.
The knot is normally a bulge or lump on the penis, and its not that bad. You'll feel it going in, but it shouldn't be uncomfortable or painful. It will swell when its inside you and he's coming. You can feel that, but it won't hurt or damage you. Most of the discomfort comes from large objects forcing their way in or out, swelling inside you is much easier.
The dogs urge will be to shove the knot in, and have it inside when he comes so that it will swell. If you don't want it, then you should hold it or place your thumb and forefinger against your vagina to keep it out.
If it does go in DON'T PANIC. The first time I was with a dog, I didn't know anything, the knot went in, and all of a sudden, it started to swell. I freaked, went tense, and tightened up. Other women who've been new have also reported that the first feeling of having the knot swell inside them has been scary and disorienting. Its a unique sensation and can be unnerving if you aren't ready. The bottom line is, DON'T PANIC, RELAX, TAKE DEEP BREATHS. It cannot damage you, and it'll subside naturally and come out painlessly on its own after a few minutes.
Don't try to take it out when its swollen. At the very least, it will be uncomfortable, and can be painful or almost impossible to do. Remember, inside you, you're built to handle it.
Will you tie like a bitch. Not necessarily. It depends on the size of the woman, and of the dog, and whether the woman has given birth. Obviously, small women will tie more easily. Big dogs will tie more easily. Small dogs and big women will tie less easily. A woman who's given birth a few times may find it difficult to tie.
When I take the knot I've sometimes tied. Sometimes not. When I haven't tied, I've found it at least uncomfortable to take it out, and like to leave it until it subsides naturally. Some women take the knot, some don't. Its a matter of choice and a point of pride.
After Sex
All right, here's the big question. What happens after you've had sex with him. Will he try and mount you while you're having tea with your mom? That could be embarrassing. Will he try to dominate you, growl when you kick him off the couch, piss on your clothes or your furniture to mark his territory? That sounds like new dog time.
Generally, that should not happen. A stable, sane well adjusted dog will expand his world view to encompass sex with you, without fucking everything else up.
This, by the way, is one of the reasons why I don't recommend sex with immature dogs, an emotionally immature dog may not be able to make the proper adjustments. You'll recall I recommended two years when sexual maturity comes at a year and a half. I'd give extra time for emotional maturity.
But having sex with your dog is a big deal, for him as well as you. It fundamentally changes or adds dimensions to the way he thinks about you. Suddenly, you're a sexual being, a sexual partner, and more than that, you're someone that he relates to emotionally... literally... as another dog, or what he considers a person. You've moved outside the category of human, and into the category of 'people' for him.
His relationship with you should be largely the same. But his approach to others may change. He may become much more aggressive to others, other dogs or humans, around you. He may become especially more aggressive towards human males. He may become aggressive towards you, or possessive, if he feels that you're making or responding to sexual overtures to others. This could include hugging, kissing, dancing or even hanging out.
Usually, this is just a short lived phase he goes through as he sorts things out emotionally. Don't worry too much.
You should not respond to this behaviour, or respond to it negatively. By that I mean, do not allow his behaviour to change your behaviour. If he gets to aggressive, a rap on the nose with a rolled up newspaper, a stern "bad dog", tie him up, or take away some treats, to let him know clearly this his behaviour is unacceptable. Clear messages delivered quickly, should help him figure things out.
Do not reinforce his bad behaviour. Don't give him the impression that it will work, because this will just give him bad ideas and make them hard to eradicate. For instance, if he doesn't like you dancing with a man or kissing one, and you stop when he growls or acts threatening, he gets several bad messages. One is that you're his private bitch. Another is that he can control your behaviour and the behaviour of others. This will make him hard to deal with, outside the bedroom.
Some people talk about dogs being oriented towards dominance and submission. That's sort of true, for dogs, humans and lots of animals. I don't like to use the term in a sexual context because it sort of confuses things with S&M and B&D. Basically, like men, dogs are happiest when they know what the rules are and where they stand with you.
Sexually and otherwise the worst thing you can do, with dogs or men, is to respond inappropriately. If your relationship with your dog, or your dogs personality begins to go bad after sex, its because, in part you're giving him the wrong messages. So be strong and be firm. He'll appreciate it, and you'll both be happier.
Generally, the sanest thing to do, is to simply carry on normally. Don't treat him any different outside the bedroom. He'll realize "well, we've had sex, but nothing else is different" and act accordingly. His behaviour will be normal, and you'll both live happily ever after.
The most reassuring thing, is this that generally, male dogs sexuality is reactive. They're ready to go anytime. But obviously, as pack animals, they have lives to live, things to do.
So as a rule, they only become aroused and interested in sex when they get the right signals. With bitches its first the scent, and then its the posture, whimpering and body language. But dogs are flexible, so they can get to understand and react to a new set of signals from you. You should offer him consistent cues for when you want sex with him, for instance, keep it to one room, or if you wear lingerie, always the same lingerie, things like that. You'll find you naturally develop, but should also be aware of and careful to develop, specific body language.
You may find he may become more eager, and more easily aroused around the time of your period, or immediately before or after. Or he may be more excited if you're making love with a man or a woman. In either case, be firm, and usually, if he doesn't get the other signals he'll figure it out.
But as a general rule, a sane, stable healthy dog, will not embarrass you by mounting you in front of mom, but will wait patiently for you to get rid of the old biddy, and strip and get on the floor.
What about all those dogs you've heard of or seen that hump your leg? I think dogs like that are experiencing behavioural misfires. I don't think they fully understand the sex act or their own sexuality, and are acting out urges that they don't quite grasp.
Generally, a sexually knowledgeable and experienced dog, even one who's experience is humans, will not do that. He knows where your pussy is and what to do with it.
Anyway, that's about it. My purpose in writing this guide was to help you understand sexuality and the sex act from the dogs viewpoint, to understand his nature and outlook, so that your experience will be positive.
A lot of this, you will find, will flow naturally. Your encounter with him should proceed easily and comfortably and can easily go all the way effortlessly your first time with him. If you experience problems, hopefully this may help you to understand what's going wrong.
Good luck and enjoy each other.
References
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