Replaced content with "{{stub}} thumb|240px|Zooier Than Thou Logo [https://zoo.wtf Zooier Than Thou] is a zooey podcast in a Variety Show format. After an introduction, letters from listeners are read out. Around the main topic, the show contains skits like "Ask Zooey" (cross-species romantic advice), "Secret Zoo" (an exposé about an historical figure or pop-culture icon whose zooeyness is apparent), music, poetry, stories, 'sponsors', news, or..."
Once upon a time there was a lovely princess. But she had an enchantment upon her of a fearful
sort, which could only be broken by Love's first kiss. She was locked away in a castle guarded by a
[[File:ZTT_logo.png|thumb|240px|Zooier Than Thou Logo]]
terrible fire breathing dragon. Many brave knights had attempted to free her from this dreadful
prison, but none prevailed. She waited in the dragon's keep in the highest room of the tallest tower
[https://zoo.wtf Zooier Than Thou] is a [[zooey]] podcast in a Variety Show format. After an introduction, letters from listeners are read out. Around the [[Portal:Main|main]] topic, the show contains skits like "Ask Zooey" (cross-species romantic advice), "Secret Zoo" (an exposé about an historical figure or pop-culture icon whose zooeyness is apparent), music, poetry, stories, 'sponsors', news, or community information. Bonus episodes are sometimes released with additional content.
for her true love and true love's first kiss. Like that's ever going to happen. What a loony. Shrek
Beware Stay out I think he's in here. All right. Lets get it! Hold on. Do you know what that thing can
== The Start of Zooier Than Thou ==
do to you? Yeah. He'll groan into your bones for his brains. Well actually that would be a giant. Now
Zooier Than Thou started with [[Toggle]] and [[Douglas "Fausty" Spink|Fausty]] in March of 2019 to show zoos and non-zoos a vision of what is possible with [[interspecies]] connection. There have been
Ogres, huh, they are much worse. They'll make a soup from your freshly peeled skin. They'll chew
Over 40 episodes created as of mid-2021, helping those with questions about [[zoophilia]] and zoo [[history]].
your livers, squeeze the jelly from your eyes. Actually, it's quite good on toast. Back, back beast,
back! I warned you! Right. This is the part, where you run away. Yeah! And stay out. Wanted.
You can also get started with their [https://zoo.wtf/episode-list/essentials/ Essential Episodes] to get up to speed on future episodes. Listen to the most impactful and important series of Zooier Than Thou.
Fairytale creatures. Right, this one is full. Take it away. Give me that. Your fine days are over. -25
pieces of silver for the witch. Next. -Come on. Sit down there! And be quiet! This cage is so small.
== Transcripts ==
You wouldn't turn me in. I'll never be stubborn again. I can change. Please, give me another chance.
Oh, shut up! Next. What do we got? This little wooden puppet. I'm not a puppet, I'm a real boy. Five
The podcast used otter.ai to generate transcripts in the first season, but they relied on people to help produce good transcripts. The transcripts were shared through a Github repository:
shillings for the possessed toy. Take it away. No! Please, don't let them do it! Next. What do you
got? Well, I've got a talking donkey! Right. Well that's good for ten schillings, if you can prove it. Oh,
The github repo was maintained by [[Fausty]] and can't be updated any more.
go ahead fella. Well? He's just a li..., just a little nervous. He's really quite a chatterbox. You
boneheaded donkey! That's it. I have heard enough. Guards! No, no, he talks, he does! I can talk. I
Season 1 [[Zooier Than Thou Transcripts]]
love to talk. I've talked to... Get her out of my sight! -No, no, I swear! Hey, I can fly. -He can fly! -He
can fly! He can talk! -That's right, fool! Now I'm a flying, talking donkey! You might have seen house
Starting with S02E09 The Traveling Zoo, synchronized transcripts are provided directly on the episode on the [https://zoo.wtf/all-episodes/ Zooier Than Thou] website.
fly, maybe even a superfly. But I bet you ain't never seen a donkey fly! Seize him! Get him! This way!
Hurry! You there. Ogre. -I. By the order of lord Farquaad. I am authorized to place you both under
== Meet the Hosts<ref>Meet the Hosts https://zoo.wtf/</ref> ==
arrest. And transport you to designated resettlement facility. Oh really? You and what army? Can I
At the time, Zooier Than Thou featured Toggle and Fausty.
say something to you? Listen, you were really, really something, back there. Incredible. Are you
talking to... ...me? Yes, I was talking to you. Can I just tell you that you were really great back there
====== [[
with those guards. They thought that was all over there. And then you showed up and BAM. There
was tripping on over themselves like babes in the woods. That really made me feel good to see that.
Oh, that's great. Really. Man, it's good to be free. Now, why don't you go celebrate your freedom
with your own friends? But I... I don't have any friends. And I'm not going out there by myself. Hey
wait a minute. I have a great idea... I'll stick with you. You and me in green fighting machine.
Together we'll scare the spin if anybody crosses us. Oh, a, that was really scary. Maybe you don't
mine me saying. If that don't work, your breath will certainly do the job done, 'cause... you
definitively need some tic-tac or something, 'cause your breath stinks! Man you've ??? my note!
Just like the time... ...and then I ate some rotten berries. Man I had some strong gases leaking out of
my but that day. Why are you following me? I'll tell you why. 'Cause I'm all alone, there is no one
here, beside me. My problems have all gone. There's no one to derive me. But you got to have
free ... -Stop singing! Well, it's no wonder, you don't have any friends. Wow! Only a true friend
would be that truly honest. Listen! Little donkey. Take a look at me! What am I? A... ...really tall? No!
I'm an Ogre. You know, grab your torch and pitchforks. Doesn't that bother you? Nope. Really?
-Really really. Oh? Man, I like you. What's your name? A..., Shrek. Shrek?! But do you know, what I
like about you, Shrek? You've got that kind of: "I don't care what nobody thinks of me" thing. I like
that, I respect that, Shrek. You're all right. Uh, look at that. Who would wanna live in a place like
that? That would be my home. Oh, it is lovely. Just beautiful. You know you're quite a decorator. It's
amazing what you did with such a modest budget. I like that boulder. That is a nice boulder. I guess,
you don't entertain much, do you? I like my privacy. You know I do to. That's another thing, we have
in common. Like I hate it when you got somebody in your face. You try to give them a hint and they
won't leave. And then there's that big occurred silence, you know? Can I stay with you? -What? Can
I stay with you, please. Of course! -Really? No. -Please! I don't want to go back there. You don't
how is like to be concerned like a freak. Well..., maybe you do. But that's why we have to stick
together! You got to let me stay! Please! Please! OK, OK. -But one night only. -Huh, thank you! A,
what are you do... No! This is going to be fun. We can stay up late, swap the manly stories. And in
the morning... I'm making waffles. Where do I sleep? Outside! Oh, a, I guess that's cool. You know, I
don't know you and you don't know me... ... so I guess, outside is best for me. Here I go. Good
night. I do like that half door. I'm a donkey all alone outside. Sit by myself outside, I guess. I'm all
alone, there's no one here beside me. -I thought, I told you to stay outside. -I am outside. Well
James. This is far from the farm, but what choice do we have? It's not... What a lovely bed. -Got
you! I found some cheese. Awful stuff. -Is that you Gordon? -How did you know? Enough! What are
you doing in my house? Oh, no, no, no... Death prods off the table! Where would we supposed to
put her. The bed's taken. What? I live in a swamp. I've put up signs. I'm a terrifying Ogre! What do I
have to do, to get a little privacy? Oh, no! No, no! What are you doing in my swamp? All right, get
out of here. All of you. Move it! Come on, let's go. And hurry up, hurry up. No, no, not there. Not
there! Hey don't look at me. I didn't invite them. Oh gosh, no one invited us. -What? We were forced
to come here. -By who? Lord Farquaad. He ??? All right. Who knows where this Farquaad guy is?
Oh I do. I know where he is. Does anyone else know where to find him? -Anyone at all? -Me.
-Anyone? Oh pick me, I know! Me, me. Ok, fine. Attention all fairy tale things! Do not get
comfortable. Your welcome is officially warned up. In fact. I'm gonna see this guy Farquaad right
now and get all off my land and back where you came from. You. You're coming with me. All right.
That's what I like to hear, man. Shrek and Donkey, two stubborn friends off on a world and big city
adventure. I love it. I'm on road again. Sing with me Shrek! I'm on road again... What did I say about
singing? -Can I whistle? -No. -Well, can I hummer? -All right. That's enough. He's ready to talk.
Run, run, run as fast as you can, you can't catch me. I'm the gingerbread man. You monster. I'm not
a monster here. You are. You and the rest of that fairytale trash, poisoning my perfect world. -Now
tell me! Where are the others? -Eat me. I've tried to be fair to you, creatures. Now my patience has
reached its end! -Tell me! Or I'll... -No, no, not the buttons. Not gumdrop buttons. All right! Who's
hiding them? Ok, I'll tell you. -Do you know the muffin-man? -The muffin-man? -The muffin-man.
-Yes, I know the muffin-man. Who lives on Proully lane? -Well, she's married to the muffin-man.
-The muffin-man! -The muffin-man! -She's married to the muffin-man. My lord! We found it. Well
then, what are you waiting for? Bring it in. Magic mirror. Don't tell him anything! Evening. Mirror,
mirror on the wall. Is this not the most perfect kingdom of them all? Well, technically, you're not a
king. A..., felonious. -You were saying. -What I mean is a... ...you're not a king, yet. But you can
become one. All you have to do, is marry a princess. Go on. So, just sit back and relax my lord,
because it's time for you to meet today's eligible bachelorettes. And here they are. Bachelorette
number one is a mentally abused shading from a kingdom far, far away. She likes sushi and
hottubbing anytime. Her hobbies include cooking and cleaning for two evil sisters. Please
welcome... Cinderella. Bachelorette number two is a kemp wearing girl from a land of fantasy.
Although she lives with seven other man, she is not easy. Just kiss hers dead frozen lips and find
out what a live wife she is. Come on. Give it up for... Show-white. And last but certainly not least.
Bachelorette number three is a fire-breathing ????, dragon guarded castle, surrounded by a hot
boiling lava. But don't let that cool you off. She's a loaded pistol who likes Pina Coladas and getting
cut in the rain. Yours for the rescuing, Princess Fiona. So will it be, bachelorette number one?
Bachelorette number two? Or bachelorette number three? -Two... -Three! -Two! One. No, no, no.
Three. Pick number three my lord. Ok, ok. Number three. Lord Farquaad. You've chosen... princess
Fiona. She's nice. Fiona. She's perfect. All I have to do is just find someone... But I probably should
mention little thing that happens at night... -I'll do it! -Yes, but after sunset... Silence! I will make this
princess Fiona my queen. And Duloc will finally have the perfect king! Captain! Assemble your finest
man. We're going to have a tournament! That's it, that's, right there, that's Duloc. I've told you I'll
find it. So. That must be lord Farquaad's castle. Aha, that's the place. Do you think maybe he's
compensating for something. Hey, hey wait up Shrek! -Hey, you! -No, no! Wait a second. Look, I'm
not gonna eat you. I just... It's quiet. Too quiet. Where is everybody? Hey look at this. Wow! -Let's
do that again. -No. no. All right. You're going the right way for smack bottom. Sorry about that. That
champion should have the honor, no, no... ...the privilege to go forth and rescue the lovely princess
Fiona from the fireing keep of the dragon. If for any reason the winner is unsuccessful, the first
runner up will take his place. And so on, and so forth. Some of you may die, but it's a sacrifice I'm
willing to make. Applause. Let the tournament begin. What is that? Ugh, it's hideous. Oh, that's not
very nice. It's just a donkey. Indeed. Knights! New plan. The one, who kills the Ogre, will be named
champion. How about him. Oh, hey. Now, come on. Can't we just settle this over a pint? No? All
right then. Come on. Hey Shrek! Let me, let me! The chair! Give him the chair! Thank you. Thank
you, very much. I'm here until Thursday. Try the wheel! Shall I give the order sir? No. I have a better
idea. People of Duloc. I give you our champion! What? Congratulation, Ogre. You've won the honor
of embarking on a great and noble quest. Quest? I'm already on a quest. A quest to get my swamp
back! -Your swamp? -Yeah, my swamp! Where you dumped those fairytale creatures. Indeed. All
right Ogre, I'll make you a deal. Go on this quest for me and I'll give you your swamp back. Exactly
the way it was? Down to the last slime covered toast tool. -And the squatters? -As good as gone.
What kind of quest? Ok, let me get this straight! We gonna go find the dragon and rescue a princess
just so Farquaad will give you back the swamp, which you only don't have, 'cause he filled it with
full of freaks on the first place. -Is that about right? -You know what? Maybe there is a good reason,
donkeys shouldn't talk. I don't get it Shrek. Why didn't you just pull some old Ogre stuff on them?
You know, ??? . Grab his bones to make you brave. You know the whole Ogre trick. Oh, you know
what. Maybe I could have decapitated entire village and put their heads on plate. Got a knife, cut
open their spleens and drink their fluids. Does that sound good to you? A, no, not really, no. For
your information, there is a lot more to Ogres than people think. -Example. -Example? OK, A-a-m,
Ogres are like onions. -They stink? -Yes, no. -O, they make you cry. -No. Oh, you leave them out on
the sun and they get all brown and start ??? little wild hairs? No! Layers! Onions have layers. Ogres
have layers. Onions have layers. You get it? We both have layers. O, you both have layers. You
know not everybody likes onions. Cake! Everybody loves cakes. Cakes have layers. I don't care
what everyone likes. Ogres are not like cakes. You know what else everyone likes? Paffe. Have you
ever met a person and you say: "Hey, let's get some paffe" and they say I don't like paffe. Paffe is
delicious. No! You tensed, irritating, miniature peace of barden. Ogres are like onions. End of story.
Bye, bye. See you lather. Paffe is maybe the most delicious thing on the whole damn planet. You
know I think I've preferred your humming. Do you have a tissue or something, 'cause I'm making a
mess. Just the word paffe has made me start slimying Why, Shrek, did you do that? Man you got to
warn somebody before you just crack one off. My mouth was opened and everything. Believe me
donkey, if it was me, you'd be dead. It's brimstone. We must be getting close. Yeah, right,
brimstone. Don't be talking ??? brimstone. I know what I smell and ??? no brimstone. And they
don't come of stone neither. Sure it's big enough, but look at the location. Oh, Shrek, remember
when you said that Ogres have layers? Oh, yeah. Well, I have a confession to make. Donkeys don't
have layers. We wear ??? sleeves. Wait a second. Donkeys don't have sleeves. -You know what I
mean. -Oh, you can't tell me you're afraid of highs. No, I'm just a little uncomfortable of being on a
rickety bridge over boiling lake of lava! Come on donkey, I'm right here beside you. Ok? For
emotional support. We'll just hackle this thing together one little baby step after time. -Really?
-Really really. Ok. That makes me feel so much better. Just keep moving and don't look down.
Don't look down, don't look down. Shrek! I'm looking down! I can't do this. Just let me off right now,
please. -But you're already half way. -Yeah, but I know that half is safe. Ok, fine. I don't have time
for this. You go back. Shrek, no, wait. Don't do that! Oh, I'm sorry. Do what? -Oh. This? -Yes, that!
Yes, yes. Do it. OK. -No, Shrek! -I'm doing it. I'm gonna die. I'm gonna die. Shrek, I'm gonna die.
That will do Donkey, that will do. Cool. So where is this fire breathing pain in the neck anyway?
Inside. Waiting for us to rescue her. I was talking about the dragon Shrek. -Are you afraid? -No, but
shhhhh. Oh, good. Me neither. Because there's nothing wrong with being afraid. Here's a...,
something responsible of the situation. Not to mention dangerous situation. And there's dragon that
breathes fire. I'm sure he's meaner than a cow or anything, but they're scare. You know what I
mean. I'm sure he's heavier than a cow... Donkey. Two things. Ok? Shut, up. Now go over there and
see if you can find any stairs. Stairs? I thought we were looking for the princess. The princess will be
up the stairs in the highest room in the tallest tower. What makes you think she'll be there? I read it
in a book once. Cool. You handle the dragon, I'll handle the stairs. Oh, I'll find those stairs. I'll ???.
That's right. Those stairs won't know which way they go. The drafting stairs, ??? Don't mess with
me. I'm the stair master. I'm master of the stairs. I wish I had a stair right here right here now, I'd
step all over it. Well, at least we know where the princess is. -But where is the... -Dragon! Donkey,
look out! Got you. Oh, what large teeth you have. I mean, white sparkling teeth. You probably hear
this all the time from your food, but you must bleach yourself, because that is one dashing smile you
got there. And do I detect the hint of minty freshness? And you know what else? You're a girl
dragon. Oh, sure. I mean 'course you're a girl dragon, 'cause you're just ricking the feminine beauty
out. What's the matter with you? Do you have something in your eye? Man, I'd really love to stay,
but you know I'm a asthmatic and I don't know if we would worked out. You'd be blowing smoke
and stuff. Shrek! No, Shrek! Shrek! -Wake up! -What? Are you princess Fiona? I am. Awaiting a
knight so bold as to rescue me. Oh, that's nice. Now let's go. But wait, sir knight. This be our first
meeting. Should not be wonderful, romantic moment? Yeah. Sorry lady there's no time. Hey, what
are you doing? You know, you should sweep me out of my feet. Out through the window and down
the rope by to your valued steed. You've had a lot of time to plan this, haven't you? Uh-um. But we
have to sing through this moment. You can residing of a poem to me. A ballad, a sonnet, a libretti.
Or something. I don't think so. Well, can I at least know a name of my champion? Shrek. So, Shrek.
I pray that you take this favor as a token of my gratitude. Thanks. -You didn't slay the dragon? -It's
not my job to do this. Now, come on! But this isn't right. ??? That's what all the other knights did.
Yeah. Right before they burst in the flame. That's not the point. Wait. Where are you going? Exit is
over there. Well, I have to save my ass. What kind of knight are you? One of a kind. ...rush into a
physical relationship. I'm not that emotionally ready for commitment of a this magnitude. That was
the word I was looking for. Magnitude. Hey, that is unwanted physical contact. Hey, what are you
doing? Ok, ok, let's just back up a little and take this one step at the time. I mean, we really should
get to know each other first, you know what am I saying. As friends, maybe even as ??? Hey don't
do that. That's my tail. That's ma personal tail. And you're going to tear it off.... Oh, no. No! -It
talks
Latest revision as of 20:50, 1 April 2026
This article is a stub. You can help Zoophilia.wiki by expanding it.
Zooier Than Thou is a zooey podcast in a Variety Show format. After an introduction, letters from listeners are read out. Around the main topic, the show contains skits like "Ask Zooey" (cross-species romantic advice), "Secret Zoo" (an exposé about an historical figure or pop-culture icon whose zooeyness is apparent), music, poetry, stories, 'sponsors', news, or community information. Bonus episodes are sometimes released with additional content.
Zooier Than Thou started with Toggle and Fausty in March of 2019 to show zoos and non-zoos a vision of what is possible with interspecies connection. There have been
Over 40 episodes created as of mid-2021, helping those with questions about zoophilia and zoo history.
You can also get started with their Essential Episodes to get up to speed on future episodes. Listen to the most impactful and important series of Zooier Than Thou.
Transcripts
The podcast used otter.ai to generate transcripts in the first season, but they relied on people to help produce good transcripts. The transcripts were shared through a Github repository:
https://github.com/zooier/podcaststuff/tree/master/assets/transcripts
The github repo was maintained by Fausty and can't be updated any more.
Toggle is one of the original co-founders of ZooTT, bringing his background in communications and media to the table. Though it may sound like his balls haven't dropped yet, he is known for speaking his mind and using his voice to discuss difficult topics with nuance and a healthy dose of profanity. Toggle likes to spend his free time playing Mario Kart, making terrible puns, and writing zooey rap songs.
Fausty was no stranger to the zoo community, a name that's both famous and infamous, depending on whom you ask. Known for his outspoken zoo activism, his work in computer security and privacy, and for literally jumping off of cliffs (BASE 715), Fausty enjoyed reading everything he could get his paws on, studying law, and being an incredible dork. In 2019, he co-founded ZooTT, contributing his wealth of animal knowledge and zooey wisdom and providing a guiding vision that endures to this day.
Lovecat
Lovecat is friendly, feisty feline of the vegan persuasion who loves nonhuman people, making art in a myriad of mediums, and you, you sexy beast you! Authenticity, Gratitude, and Generosity are their guiding principles, and realizing a sane, caring world for nonhumans and humans of all kinds is their ultimate goal.
Zooey
Zooey is the host of the cross-species relationship advice column Ask Zooey, bewitchingly beautiful, and brilliant to boot. She has a background in talk show work and podcasting, and is quite the full wellspring on relationships outside of the human genome. Zooey's favorite pastimes are reading, practicing voice work, and wandering the woods whenever she can.
Canis Gnosis
Species: Canis Gnosis.
Diet: Vegan; Trash; Vegan-Trash.
Habitat: Forests; plains; anywhere with adequate furry porn. Found worldwide any place where humans and non-humans share habitat. Like the majestic hermit crab, C. Gnosis carries around a trash bin as a mobile den, and often has to contend with toxic elements within these spaces before they can be safely inhabited, leaving some to wonder why they don't just become a Brony and save their whole species some trouble.
Kynophile
Kynophile is a writer, singer, and dungeon master (no, not that kind) with a flair (not that kind either) for the dramatic. He mainly focuses on writing songs and skits, using experience from his background in community theater. With his fleeting free time, he enjoys running zoos through fantasy adventures, listening to Sondheim soundtracks, and hanging out with his loved ones, human, animal, and in between.
Episode list
Episodes are released once every month, with the occasional bonus content, usually after every few episodes.
As mentioned in the beginning. The episodes consist of in-depth discussions, dating advice, and original songs and skits, all with a great deal of playful candor, Zooier Than Thou sets itself apart with an openly positive and joyful interpretation of what it is to be a Zoophile.
Over the years, ZooTT has grown to include a multitude of hosts and guests, collectively bringing decades of animal activism and cross-species romance to the mic, with the help of a dedicated cast and crew of Zooey talent. There may be others out there doing the same thing, but ZooTT aims to do it the best!
